The loss of a brother or a sister is not always understood to be as painful as the loss of a parent or a child. Kindred Angels is to help the brother or sister understand that their loss is just as important. A parent losing a child can be so overwrought with grief that the children are left to deal with their grief alone.
Siblings often feel the guilt of being the surviving child. Their parents grief is so overwhelming they may feel that the love for them is not quite as strong. Remarks like "he was such a good child" might make the child feel that he was the "not so good child" The parent consumed with grief tends to forget that this child too suffered a loss but are grieving so deeply they can't focus on the remaining child. The sibling might also see their parents marriage suffer, perhaps even end. This is an additional trauma to the surviving sibling. "Don't I matter at all?"
Losing a brother or a sister is losing a part of themselves. Being together since birth, they too feel the emptiness, the loss of the family unit they have always known. They lost their playmate, someone they shared holidays and birthdays with. Someone they fought with and even struggled with the sibling rivalry of "who was the favorite". They may question why they were not the one who died and might even feel the guilt that they didn't.
We hope to make this child aware that although their parents may sometimes "seem not to care" throughout this grieving period, that they are loved as much or more than they ever were. It's important for them to realize that their pain is just as real, just as devastating to them although it may not be understood by other family members or friends. They are told to "be strong for mommy and daddy", "be good now so that you don't upset them". This is telling them that they are not allowed to grieve. They may hear their parent say they can't go on because they have lost their child and they feel that they don't matter now because they are alive and it's their dead brother or sister who mean more to them. "What about me?" they think. "Don't you want to live for me?"
As we help the parents to understand that their remaining children are the ones they need to live for, not to wish for death because they lost a child, we hope to help the surviving sibling to understand that their parent really does not mean this. We hope to help guide them through their grieving process until the parent can work through theirs. We help them to understand their fear that they may die as well is a normal fear, or their anger because their sibling left them is normal anger, their anger because they don't seem to matter as much to their parents, their sadness for the loss or their confusion over death is something we all feel. We try to answer the questions that they are afraid to ask.
The Adult Sibling
The adult siblings grief can be overwhelming. We grow up and move on to our separate lives, friends and families. The relationships change bringing you closer than ever or further apart. When a sibling is lost the pain is compounded for the families they leave behind because they have become part of your family. Their children might even become your responsibility.
A lifetime of memories as children who shared secrets and toys and parents, growing up and moving on to become best friends or distant friends when life takes you in different directions can be compounded with grief and regret. Guilt might surface because you might have let too many days go by when you called or wrote.
Sharing all the mixed emotions of grief can become easier when you share them in Kindred Angels.
Kindreds Kin
Loss of Cousins & Best Friends
Cousins and best friends too, feel a tremendous loss. They may not have lived in the same house or share the same parents, but there can be a love and a bond even stronger than with a sibling. Others don't realize how losing someone who might not be a "blood relative" could affect you so strongly. They might even have been a "part of the family" that might also fall apart when their friend or cousin passes away. A loss of a best friend can leave a tremendous void.
We help them all, not through counseling because we are not counselors, but we let them talk to others who are going through the same thing. Members helping members by understanding each other. They learn that others can cry or feel angry or feel the guilt they may feel. We encourage them to share with each other and to know it's okay to laugh too. We allow them to be who they are and to know that they are okay with who they are and what they feel. And who are they? They are Kindred Angels......
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Gloria
Hope
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KINDRED ANGELS
LOSS OF SIBLING, COUSINS & BEST FRIENDS
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